Religion For Atheists - Alain de Botton, If God is Made up….

In the “Kindness” chapter of Religion for Atheists, Alain de Botton explores how religious traditions cultivate compassion, forgiveness, and moral behaviour, and argues that secular society lacks structured ways to promote these values at a deep emotional level.

The foremost reason for this de Botton gives is that there seems to be no consensus on what is good or bad in the modern world. While, in theory, one can distinguish between good and bad, in practice it becomes a more subjective matter. The underlying reason for this, he suggests, is that God is dead.

“Much of modern moral thought has been transfixed by the idea that a collapse in belief must have irreparably damaged our capacity to build a convincing ethical framework for ourselves.”

With the death of God, the objective ethical standard also seemed to disappear. However, de Botton points out that if God was a made-up concept created by humans, then it follows that the ethical frameworks attributed to him were likewise the work of our all-too-human ancestors. With this argument, he proceeds to examine how religions instil their ethical frameworks.

Regarding the virtue of kindness, de Botton notes that religions don’t merely hope people will behave kindly—they institutionalise kindness. Through rituals, confession, ethical teachings, and repeated reminders, they embed kindness into daily life and personal identity.

In contrast, secular ethics tends to be more intellectual and idealistic, often taught through philosophy or policy rather than emotionally resonant practices. There are fewer rituals of moral reflection or forgiveness in secular life.

An interesting observation de Botton makes is that religions often understand human psychology better than many secular systems—they repeat key moral messages consistently. Weekly sermons, daily prayers, and scriptural readings serve as constant reminders to be compassionate, humble, and forgiving.

Catholic confession can be highlighted as a model: a ritualised space to admit faults and seek forgiveness, without judgment. Secular life rarely offers such emotionally safe spaces, which often leads individuals to carry guilt or shame in isolation.

On the subject of humility, religious traditions frequently promote it through teachings about human fallibility and suffering:

“That we are tempted to deceive, steal, insult, egotistically ignore others and be unfaithful is accepted without surprise. The question is not whether we experience shocking temptations but whether we are able to once in a while to rise above them.”

Secular culture, on the other hand, tends to glorify confidence, success, and autonomy—sometimes at the expense of empathy and understanding.

Importantly, de Botton does not claim that only religious people are kind. Rather, he argues that religions are more effective at creating structures that help people remain kind over time. He suggests that secular societies could benefit from designing similar tools—without requiring belief in God.